Women freak out. Often at you. Often for no discernible reason.

You say something that you consider totally innocuous, or even downright nice, only to find that you've offended, enraged, or annoyed us.

Your first problem梑eing attracted to women, a very weird group of people—is not going to go away. But here's a problem you can solve: word choice.

You need to know the phrases that, once introduced to her volatile atmosphere, will result in explosion (or quiet contempt—no picnic either). Then you need to strike them from your vocabulary.

Warning: Some of these absolute no-no words and phrases seem so incredibly harmless, you may think we're kidding. We're not.

Lastly, I have provided a list of magic phrases that you can view as get-out-jail-free cards. Use them sparingly. Forbidden Phrases
1."Relax."

It might seem logical to you to tell a woman who's freaking out to relax. And if "logical" meant the same thing as "stupidest idea ever," you'd be correct.

Understand, a woman screaming and carrying on in anger or frustration or panic thinks that her response is 100 percent appropriate.

If the inciting situation has anything to do with you, she feels she has a responsibility to freak out extra to compensate for your maddening calm.

So when you tell her to relax, you're implying that your response梚.e., nothing梚s correct. You're denying that there's a reason to be upset. You're telling her she's crazy.

Women may sometimes feel crazy and joke about it, but anything smacking of accusations of being crazy will be far from soothing.

Say this instead: "I'm just as upset about this as you are. Let's deal with it together."

This way she knows you're totally sympathetic. This should help her to ... oh, God ... relax.
2."I love you." (During a fight)

In movies, "I love you" is usually employed by men during I-love-you朼ppropriate situations—lovemaking, walks on the beach, airport reunions.

In real life, a woman hears "I love you" most often at that point in a fight when she desperately wants to get to the heart of the issue, and when you desperately want to stop this nonsense and watch Lost—which you don't normally even watch.

When you come home shirtless from a bachelor party or forget our birthdays and stand there in the face of our rage and crushing disappointment, do you really believe that merely stating the powerful existence of your love is going to make everything okay? Because it's not.

Say this instead: 1. "[Insert detailed explanation of what you did and why you did it.]" 2. "It won't happen again." 3. "I love you." (It's okay at the end of the apology, just not at the beginning.)

And when you go to a bachelor party, take along an extra shirt.
3."It's up to you."

This is also known as "Whatever you want to do is fine with me."

Relationships are full of decisions. You decide where to eat, where to go on vacation, where to send your child to preschool.

Most men wouldn't dream of looking at their wife or girlfriend and saying, "You know what? I just don't care." They would, however, say, "It's up to you." And find themselves in a world of hurt they never saw coming.

Men think of decision-making as work without pay. For women, it's like window-shopping for life's possibilities, and we want you to help us shop. So when you say, "It's up to you," we feel abandoned.

Say this instead: "I could definitely do A or B, but I'm not crazy about C. What are you thinking?" This shows you're listening, suggests you care, and gets you out of deciding.
4."You knew I was this way when you married me."

Well, the truth is that we didn't. Or we knew deep down, but we were so busy enjoying our fantasy of you that we chose to ignore what was really there. It's not your fault.

It's just that when we were little, we spent so much time daydreaming about having the perfect life. Now that we're actually in grown-up life, we can't turn off our daydreaming switch.

Telling a woman, "You knew I was this way when you married me" is like saying the way your life is right now is the way it's going to be forever and ever. And that may well be true—in many wonderful and not-so-wonderful ways.

But if she were to accept that, a little part of her would die.

Say this instead: "It frustrates me, too—and I'm working on it." It's a lie. That's okay.
5.(Saying Nothing)

At times, you may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. You may think, "If I just keep my mouth shut, I'll be okay."

Well, no. Imagine you're pitching in a baseball game in which there is no hitter, not even a catcher. You would not enjoy that. Imagine yourself, head hanging, going to retrieve the ball yourself and, once again, throwing it to no one.

That's how we feel when you don't talk to us.

Say this instead: Throw the ball back. Throw it badly. Even risk throwing a wild pitch and letting her take an extra base. But keep your head in the game.

Magic Words
1."Just tell me everything."

I don't think a man has ever actually uttered this statement, so make history. Here's the thing: Our most violent anger is often the result of anticipating being forced to shut up.

So once we're told we can give our entire, endless account—no rushing or defending ourselves—we cool off. Side benefit: We also get a little intimidated. We think, "Is this part important or interesting or relevant?" We edit ourselves.

2."You are just so beautiful."

The trick: You must say it as if it's just occurring to you at the moment, as if her pulchritude were a rainbow suddenly in your path, the stunningness of which has left you incapacitated, emotionally stunted, but in a good way.

Say it as if you can remember little else—certainly not whatever irksome matter you were just discussing. Works well as an alternative to "I love you"—but, the same way butter makes anything taste better, it's all-purpose.
3."Sorry. It was my fault."

So classic. So hard to say. Because it's never all your fault, of course—and it's a very rare case in which she shouldn't also say she's sorry.

Everyone likes to save face, especially men. But truly, there is nothing hotter to a woman than a man who's willing to admit he was wrong because he just loves her so damn much.

You might feel like you're losing her respect, but unless you're always the one to apologize (which means you have a crazy lady on your hands), trust me, you're gaining it.

女人會(huì)發(fā)瘋，尤其是對(duì)著你。尤其是由于些莫名其妙的理由。

你說(shuō)一些你認(rèn)為完全無(wú)傷大雅，或甚至是非常友好的，卻沒(méi)料到你已經(jīng)冒犯，激怒，騷擾了我們。

你的第一個(gè)問(wèn)題：被女人所吸引，一群非常奇怪的群體，不會(huì)走開(kāi)。但是這里有一個(gè)問(wèn)題是你可以解決的那就是：措詞。

你需要知道那些你在輕快的場(chǎng)合說(shuō)出卻造成爆炸性的結(jié)果（或者是安靜的輕視--同樣是陷入麻煩）的詞語(yǔ)，然后你需要把它們從你的字典里去除。

忠告：那些字詞可能完全沒(méi)有攻擊性，你可能會(huì)認(rèn)為我們只是開(kāi)玩笑，可事實(shí)上我們并不是。

最后，我提供了一魔力詞句清單，你可以看作是逃離監(jiān)獄自由的王牌。不斷地運(yùn)用它們。被禁止的詞組：

1。“放松”

你告訴一個(gè)發(fā)瘋的女人放松似乎是有道理的。 并且如果這個(gè)“有道理的”意味著“最愚蠢的主意”，那么你就是對(duì)的。

你要明白，一個(gè)正在尖叫，舉止失常帶著憤怒挫敗不安的女人認(rèn)為他們的反應(yīng)是百分之一百適當(dāng)?shù)摹?/p>

如果這令人激動(dòng)的處境和你有任何關(guān)系，那么她會(huì)認(rèn)為她有更發(fā)瘋來(lái)補(bǔ)償你令人發(fā)狂的冷靜的權(quán)利。

所以當(dāng)你叫她放松，你是在暗示她你的回應(yīng)是正確的，你在否認(rèn)的確有不安的理由。你在告訴她瘋了。

女人可能有時(shí)會(huì)變得瘋狂并開(kāi)玩笑。但任何帶有在發(fā)瘋指責(zé)的味道會(huì)使氣氛遠(yuǎn)離和諧甜蜜。

改為說(shuō)這個(gè)：“我和你一樣對(duì)此感到不安。讓我們一起來(lái)處理吧。”

這樣她就知道你完全賦有同情心。這會(huì)幫她。。。哦上帝。。。放松！

2。“我愛(ài)你”（在爭(zhēng)吵中）

在電影中，“我愛(ài)你”是男人在“我愛(ài)你”適當(dāng)?shù)膱?chǎng)合所說(shuō)的例如做愛(ài)，在海灘上散步，或者是在機(jī)場(chǎng)重遇的時(shí)候。

但在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中。女人常常在爭(zhēng)吵中聽(tīng)到“我愛(ài)你”。例如當(dāng)她非常渴望涉及問(wèn)題的核心，或是你非常渴望指責(zé)這些無(wú)謂，而去看你平時(shí)可能都不太看的迷失。

當(dāng)你不穿襯衣從單身聚會(huì)回來(lái)，或是忘了我們的生日并站在那里面對(duì)我們的憤怒卻只是想要消除這些失望，你真的認(rèn)為僅僅注明你有力的愛(ài)的存在能讓一切變好嗎？因?yàn)樗�不能�?/p>

改為說(shuō)這個(gè)：１。“插入詳細(xì)的你做了什么為什么會(huì)做這個(gè)的原因。”2。“以后再也不會(huì)了。”3。“我愛(ài)你”（在最后道歉的時(shí)候說(shuō)可以，而不是開(kāi)場(chǎng)白。）

并且當(dāng)你去單身聚會(huì)的時(shí)候，多帶一件襯衣。

3。“由你決定。”

這就好像是“不管你想做什么我都可以。”

在兩人的關(guān)系中是充滿決定的。在哪里吃飯去哪里旅行，把孩子送到哪里上幼兒園你拿主意。

大多數(shù)的男人不會(huì)奢望看著他們的妻子或是女朋友并說(shuō)“你知道么，我其實(shí)不在乎。”而是說(shuō)“由你來(lái)決定吧。”并發(fā)現(xiàn)他們?cè)诔錆M傷害并且始料不及的世界中。

男人認(rèn)為做決定是吃力不討好的事。對(duì)于女人，就好像在逛街的時(shí)候，我們希望你來(lái)幫我們挑選。而你說(shuō)“有你來(lái)年決定吧。”我們感到被遺棄了。

改為說(shuō)這個(gè)：“我當(dāng)然能做A或B，但我不會(huì)對(duì)C瘋狂。你認(rèn)為呢？”這說(shuō)明你在聽(tīng)，說(shuō)明你在乎，并同樣讓你不用做決定。

4."你知道你嫁給我之前我就是這樣的啦。"

事實(shí)上是，我們并不知道。或者我們內(nèi)心深處知道，但是我們只是太陶醉于對(duì)你的幻想，而決定忽略事實(shí)的真相。這不是你的錯(cuò)。

就好像是當(dāng)我們還是小孩子的時(shí)候，我們花費(fèi)許多時(shí)間夢(mèng)想著未來(lái)的完美生活。但現(xiàn)在當(dāng)我們?cè)谶@成人世界中，我們?nèi)匀徊荒荜P(guān)掉我們白日做夢(mèng)的開(kāi)關(guān)。

對(duì)一個(gè)女人說(shuō)“在你嫁給我之前你就知道我是這樣的啦”就好像是在說(shuō)你現(xiàn)在所過(guò)的生活將是你以后的生活永遠(yuǎn)都是。并且這有可能會(huì)是真的。在許多美好活并不那么美好的日子里。

但如果她將接受這些，那么一小部分的她將死去。

改為說(shuō)這個(gè)：“這也很讓我惱火，但我正在努力。”這是個(gè)謊話。但沒(méi)關(guān)系。

5。（什么都不說(shuō)。）

有時(shí)，你會(huì)害怕說(shuō)錯(cuò)話。你會(huì)想說(shuō)“如果我閉上我的嘴，那么我就會(huì)沒(méi)事了。”

事實(shí)上并不是。想象下你在沒(méi)有擊球手沒(méi)有接球員的棒球比賽中投球。你不會(huì)喜歡的。想象下，你垂著頭，自己找回球然后又一次把球扔出去給自己。

當(dāng)你不和我們說(shuō)話，這就是我們的感受。

改為說(shuō)這個(gè)：把球扔回來(lái)。用力扔。即使這可能會(huì)讓她要跑更多個(gè)出發(fā)點(diǎn)，但一定要讓你自己在游戲中。

魔法詞語(yǔ)：

1。“把每件事情都告訴我。”

我不認(rèn)為有任何一個(gè)男人發(fā)表過(guò)這樣的聲明，那就讓它成為歷史吧。這就是事態(tài)：我們最生氣的就是被要求閉嘴。

所以一旦我們被告知我們可以給與我們所有的沒(méi)有盡頭的說(shuō)明--并不是幫我們自己說(shuō)話， 那我們就會(huì)平靜下來(lái)。附帶的好處：我們會(huì)變得有點(diǎn)害羞。 我們會(huì)想：“這部分會(huì)不會(huì)重要有意思并且有關(guān)聯(lián)呢”我們自己會(huì)編輯。

2。“你真的是太漂亮了。”

小策略：你說(shuō)的時(shí)候必須是此刻這正在發(fā)生在你身上。好像她的美麗是你道路上的彩虹，她的驚艷讓你喪失了所有能力，完全折服。

好像是你只能再想起少許事情－－當(dāng)然不是剛才討論的不論什么讓你煩惱的事情。這就好像是和“我愛(ài)你”起到同樣的作用。就好像是同樣的牛油讓其他東西都嘗起來(lái)更好味道。這就是所有的目的了。

3。“對(duì)不起，這是我的錯(cuò)。”

太經(jīng)典了，卻很難說(shuō)出口。因?yàn)檫@當(dāng)然從來(lái)不是只有你的錯(cuò)，或者她不需要同樣也為此道歉。

每個(gè)人都愛(ài)面子，尤其是男人。但真的，沒(méi)有什么比一個(gè)愿意承認(rèn)他錯(cuò)了的男人對(duì)女人來(lái)說(shuō)更熱辣的。因?yàn)樗�真的只是太�?ài)她了。

你可能會(huì)認(rèn)為你正在失去她對(duì)你的尊重。但除非你常常是那個(gè)道歉的人。（這只能證明你有個(gè)常常發(fā)瘋的女人在手上。）相信我，你正在得到她的尊重。