手機(jī)版
Many of our problems come from within our own minds. They aren’t caused by events, bad luck, or other people. We cause them through our own poor mental habits. Here are 10 habits you should set aside right away to free yourself from the many problems each one will be causing you.
* Stop jumping to conclusions.There are two common ways this habit increases people’s difficulties. First, they assume that they know what is going to happen, so they stop paying attention and act on their assumption instead. Human beings are lousy fortune-tellers. Most of what they assume is wrong. That makes the action wrong too. The second aspect of this habit is playing the mind-reader and assuming you know why people do what they do or what they’re thinking. Wrong again, big time. More relationships are destroyed by this particular kind of stupidity than by any other.
* Don’t dramatize.Lots of people inflate small setbacks into life-threatening catastrophes and react accordingly. This habit makes mountains out of molehills and gives people anxieties that either don’t exist or are so insignificant they aren’t worth worrying about anyway. Why do they do it? Who knows? Maybe to make themselves feel and seem more important. Whatever the reason, it’s silly as well as destructive.
* Don’t invent rules.A huge proportion of those “oughts” and “shoulds” that you carry around are most likely needless. All that they do for you is make you feel nervous or guilty. What’s the point? When you use these imaginary rules on yourself, you clog your mind with petty restrictions and childish orders. And when you try to impose them on others, you make yourself into a bully, a boring nag, or a self-righteous bigot.
* Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations.The words you use can trip you up. Negative and critical language produces the same flavor of thinking. Forcing things into pre-set categories hides their real meaning and limits your thinking to no purpose. See what’s there. Don’t label. You’ll be surprised at what you find.
* Quit being a perfectionist.Life isn’t all or nothing, black or white. Many times, good enough means exactly what it says. Search for the perfect job and you’ll likely never find it. Meanwhile, all the others will look worse than they are. Try for the perfect relationship and you’ll probably spend your life alone. Perfectionism is a mental sickness that will destroy all your pleasure and send you in search of what can never be attained.
* Don’t over-generalize.One or two setbacks are not a sign of permanent failure. The odd triumph doesn’t turn you into a genius. A single event—good or bad—or even two or three don’t always point to a lasting trend. Usually things are just what they are, nothing more.
* Don’t take things so personally.Most people, even your friends and colleagues, aren’t talking about you, thinking about you, or concerned with you at all for 99% of the time. The majority of folk in your organization or neighborhood have probably never heard of you and don’t especially want to. The ups and downs of life, the warmth and coldness of others, aren’t personal at all. Pretending that they are will only make you more miserable than is needed.
* Don’t assume your emotions are trustworthy.How you feel isn’t always a good indicator of how things are. Just because you feel it, that doesn’t make it true. Sometimes that emotion comes from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry, annoyed, or about to get a head-cold. The future won’t change because you feel bad—nor because you feel great. Feelings may be true, but they aren’t the truth.
* Don’t let life get you down.Keep practicing being optimistic. If you expect bad things in your life and work, you’ll always find them. A negative mind-set is like looking at the world through distorting, grimy lenses. You spot every blemish and overlook or discount everything else. It’s amazing what isn’t there until you start to look for it. Of course, if you decide to look for signs of positive things, you’ll find those too.
* Don’t hang on to the past.This is my most important suggestion of all: let go and move on. Most of the anger, frustration, misery, and despair in this world come from people clinging to past hurts and problems. The more you turn them over in your mind, the worse you’ll feel and the bigger they’ll look. Don’t try to fight misery. Let go and move on. Do that and you’ve removed just about all its power to hurt you.
我們的大部分問題源自于我們的內(nèi)心，它們不是由于事故、霉運、或他人引起的，是我們孱弱的思維習(xí)慣制造了問題。以下10個方法將有助于你遠(yuǎn)離那些困擾你的問題：
1.不要過早下結(jié)論。追尋結(jié)論的習(xí)慣通過兩個普遍的方式增加人們的困擾。其一，人們假定他們知道將要發(fā)生什么，于是他們反而開始把注意力和行動放在他們的假設(shè)上了。人類是憋足的預(yù)言家，人類的大部分假設(shè)都是錯誤的，錯誤的假設(shè)導(dǎo)致了錯誤的行動。其二，人們扮演“讀心者”，他們假設(shè)知道他人為什么要干這個事情或他人在想些什么----又錯了，大錯特錯。比起其他任何方式，大部分的人際關(guān)系因這種典型的愚蠢方式而破壞掉較多。（樹格注：不要追求居于你的假設(shè)基礎(chǔ)上的結(jié)果，往往這是你的自以為是）
2.不要小題大做。大部分人將小挫折膨脹為一生具有威脅性的事故并做出相應(yīng)的反應(yīng)。小題大做的習(xí)慣讓人們感到憂慮，不是因為不存在的事物就是因為不值得一提的小事。為什么人們要這樣？也許為了這讓他們感覺或看起來更重要一些。不管理由是什么，小題大做是愚蠢且具有破壞性的。（樹格注：不要把事情看的太重）
3.不要制造規(guī)則。大部分那些你所遵循的“應(yīng)該如何如何”之類的規(guī)矩幾乎都是沒有必要的。它們對你的唯一作用是讓你覺得緊張或有負(fù)罪感。什么意思？當(dāng)你往身上套那些想象的規(guī)則時，你給你的心扣上了枷鎖和強(qiáng)加了幼稚的命令。當(dāng)你試圖把這些向他人推行時，你讓你自身變成了暴君，一只聒噪的蟬，一個偽善的老頑固。（樹格注：不要給自己或他人強(qiáng)加枷鎖）
4.避免僵化地或貼標(biāo)簽式地看待人和事。你使用的話語能夠影響你的情緒，消極和挑剔的言辭同樣影響你的思維。把事物放進(jìn)預(yù)置的類別里，隱藏他們的真實意思，你的思維會變得漫無目的。不要貼標(biāo)簽，看看會發(fā)生什么，你會為你所發(fā)現(xiàn)的大吃一驚。（樹格注：不要先入為主，避免一成不變）
5.別做完美主義者。生活并不是非黑即白，非此即彼；大部分時候，剛剛好意味著事物處于自然的狀態(tài)。如果要尋找一份完美的工作，你有可能永遠(yuǎn)找不到。同時，他人并沒有看起來那么好。追尋完美的人際關(guān)系，你有可能終生孤獨。完美主義是一種精神毒瘤，它會摧毀你的一切快樂，讓你終其一生在追尋你無法到達(dá)的目標(biāo)。（樹格注：有些遺憾的人生才是完整的，因為沒有人可以完美）
6.不要過分放大。一兩次的挫折并不表示永遠(yuǎn)的失敗，幾次的成功也不意味著你是個天才。一個獨立事件---好的或壞的---或三四個事件并不代表一種持續(xù)的趨勢。通常事物就是它們所存在的樣子，此外沒有其他了。（樹格注：不要夸大成果，不管是成果或者失敗）
7.不要自以為是。大部分人，甚至你的朋友和同事，在99%的時間里并沒有討論你、想念你或是關(guān)心你。你的很多同事或鄰居甚至沒有聽說過你，更不必說談?wù)撃恪Ｉ畹钠鸱说睦渑谀愣紵o關(guān)緊要。懷疑別人在談?wù)撃阒粫屇愀纯唷＃涓褡ⅲ翰灰晕抑行模诤跛说目捶ǎ擞兴说氖乱Γ?br />
8.不要憑你的感覺行事。你如何想并不意味著事情就如你所想，僅僅是因為你感覺如此罷了，這并不會改變事實。大部分的時候，情緒意味著你累了、餓了、郁悶了，此外沒有其他更深層處的意義了。未來并不會因為你感覺良好或痛苦而改變。感覺是可能是真的，但那不是真理。（樹格注：感覺不是事實，不要太相信感覺，經(jīng)驗有時候也會是絆腳石）
9.不要讓生活把你擊倒，繼續(xù)積極面對。如果你在生活中期盼厄運，你會常常和它們邂逅。一顆消極的心好比透過一面扭曲且骯臟的透鏡觀看世界，你過分聚焦在每個污穢的地方忽略了其他。當(dāng)你開始尋找的時候，你驚奇地發(fā)現(xiàn)這些事物并不是預(yù)先就存在的。換一種思維，如果你決定去尋找積極的事物，你也會發(fā)現(xiàn)它們的。（樹格注：既然消極和積極都是生活，為什么不積極面對，尋找方法呢）
10.不要沉湎過去。這是我最重要的建議：讓過去的成為過去，繼續(xù)前行。這個世界上，人類的很多的憤怒、沮喪、痛苦和絕望都是因為沉湎于過去的傷害和問題。你越是在心里念叨著過去的那些事情，你越是感覺糟糕，那些事情會變得越沉重。讓過去的成為過去，繼續(xù)前行，如是你就卸下過去的包袱了。
