Romance does not have to fizzle out in long-term relationships and progress into a companionship/friendship-type love, a new study has found. Romantic love can last a lifetime and lead to happier, healthier relationships.

"Many believe that romantic love is the same as passionate love," said lead researcher Bianca P. Acevedo, PhD, then at Stony Brook University (currently at University of California, Santa Barbara). "It isn't. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships but not the longer ones."

These findings appear in the March issue of Review of General Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association.

Acevedo and co-researcher Arthur Aron, PhD, reviewed 25 studies with 6,070 individuals in short- and long-term relationships to find out whether romantic love is associated with more satisfaction. To determine this, they classified the relationships in each of the studies as romantic, passionate (romantic with obsession) or friendship-like love and categorized them as long- or short-term.

The researchers looked at 17 short-term relationship studies, which included 18- to 23-year-old college students who were single, dating or married, with the average relationship lasting less than four years. They also looked at 10 long-term relationship studies comprising middle-aged couples who were typically married 10 years or more. Two of the studies included both long- and short-term relationships in which it was possible to distinguish the two samples.

The review found that those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships. Companion-like love was only moderately associated with satisfaction in both short- and long-term relationships. And those who reported greater passionate love in their relationships were more satisfied in the short term compared to the long term.

Couples who reported more satisfaction in their relationships also reported being happier and having higher self-esteem.

Feeling that a partner is "there for you" makes for a good relationship, Acevedo said, and facilitates feelings of romantic love. On the other hand, "feelings of insecurity are generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may spark conflict in the relationship. This can manifest into obsessive love," she said.

This discovery may change people's expectations of what they want in long-term relationships. According to the authors, companionship love, which is what many couples see as the natural progression of a successful relationship, may be an unnecessary compromise. "Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings," Acevedo said. "And couples who've been together a long time and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion."

一項新研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，長期愛情關(guān)系并不一定導(dǎo)致浪漫元素的減少和向伙伴或朋友式愛情的轉(zhuǎn)變。浪漫愛情可以持續(xù)一生，并且通往更幸福、更健康的關(guān)系。

“很多人以為浪漫之愛和激情之愛是一回事，但實際上并非如此。浪漫之愛在強度、承諾和性吸引方面與激情之愛相同，但沒有后者的強迫性成分。激情的或者強迫性的愛情包含了不確定和焦慮的感覺。這種愛情驅(qū)動的是短期關(guān)系而不是長期關(guān)系。”主持研究的Bianca P. Acevedo說。她當(dāng)時是石溪大學(xué)的博士生，現(xiàn)任職于加州大學(xué)圣芭芭拉分校。

這些研究結(jié)果刊登在美國心理學(xué)會出版的《普通心理學(xué)評論》三月號上。

Acevedo和研究合作者Arthur Aron博士回顧了以往的25項研究（它們的研究對象總共包括6070個處于短期或長期關(guān)系中的人），以檢驗浪漫愛情是否與更高的滿意度相聯(lián)系。為了證實這一點，他們把每項研究中的愛情關(guān)系歸類為浪漫的、激情的（浪漫加上強迫成分）和友誼式的，再分為長期和短期關(guān)系兩類。

研究者查看了17個對于短期關(guān)系的研究，其對象包括18-23歲的單身、戀愛中或已婚的大學(xué)生，他們愛情關(guān)系的平均持續(xù)時間在四年以下。還有10個對于長期關(guān)系的研究，其對象包括結(jié)婚10年或更久的中年夫婦。其中兩個研究同時包括了短期和長期關(guān)系，這兩組樣本是區(qū)分開來的。

通過對以往研究的總結(jié)，研究者發(fā)現(xiàn)不論在短期關(guān)系還是長期關(guān)系中，那些報告出更多浪漫成分的人都對自己的愛情關(guān)系更滿意。在短期和長期關(guān)系中，伙伴式的愛情和滿意度都只有中等程度的相關(guān)。而那些報告出較多激情成分的人在短期關(guān)系中比在長期關(guān)系中滿意度更高。

對愛情關(guān)系滿意度較高的夫婦或戀人同時也報告出較強的幸福感和較高的自尊。

Acevedo說，感覺伴侶“與你同在”有助于建立良好的愛情關(guān)系，并促進浪漫愛情的感覺。另一方面，“不安全感通常伴隨著較低的滿意度，有時還會導(dǎo)致愛情中的沖突。強迫式的愛情中就有這種情況。”

這個發(fā)現(xiàn)或許會改變?nèi)藗儗﹂L期關(guān)系的一般預(yù)期。研究者稱，雖然伙伴式的愛情在很多夫婦看來是成功愛情關(guān)系的自然發(fā)展階段，但它實際上可能是一種不必要的妥協(xié)。Acevedo說：“夫妻應(yīng)該努力經(jīng)營愛情，讓它變得更完美。那些結(jié)婚多年、希望找回浪漫感覺的夫婦，應(yīng)該認(rèn)識到這是完全可以實現(xiàn)的目標(biāo)，只是和生活中絕大多數(shù)好東西一樣，它需要投入精力才能達成。”