Hospital Patient

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old laday in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit."

A Little Guy

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'

The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.

“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs. “I can't do anything right.” “I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.”

When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.

So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.

病人

一個聲音慈祥的老婦人打電話給圣約翰醫院，她小心小心翼翼的問接線生：“我能否和知道病人病情的人說話？”　接線生說：“可以， 病人叫什么名字？住哪個病房？”

老婦人說：“叫安娜，308房。”　接線生說：“你別掛電話，我幫你問問她的護士。”

過了幾分鐘，接線生和老婦人說：“我有個好消息，她的護士告訴我安娜的恢復得很好，她的血壓正常，血液循環也很正常，她的醫生打算讓她星期二出院。”

老婦人說：“謝謝。太棒了！ 我現在總算放心了！謝謝你。”

接線生：“不用謝。 安娜是你女兒嗎？”

  老婦人：“不是，我就是302房的安娜，沒人告訴我任何事情！”

 倒霉的人

 一個瘦小的男人座在酒吧里，瞪著面前的一杯酒發呆了半小時直到一個愛惹麻煩的壯漢走進酒吧并一把抓過他面前的酒一飲而盡，然后挑釁對小個子說：“你沒什么樣意見吧？瘦子。”

 可憐的小個子竟然開始哭了起來！壯漢倒嚇了一跳：“老兄，我是讓你不開心了，可你也不用哭吧？我真受不了看男人哭！”

  “今天是我這輩子最倒霉的一天！”小個子抽咽著說，“我沒一件事做順利的。我睡覺過頭沒趕上一個重要會議，因此被老板炒了魷魚。我去停車場又發現車被偷了，而我沒買任何保險。我還把錢包丟在了出租車里，進屋又居然發現我老婆和園丁在床上偷情，我那只爛狗竟然在我傷心欲絕時咬了我一口！”

 “天啊，”小個子大哭起來，“我好不容易谷起勇氣想要結束我這可悲的一生，你居然搶喝了那杯毒酒！！”