We'll say it straight up: There's no good reason in the world to hang onto these habits. They aren't helping.

    1. Nagging, nagging, nagging. We know about the squeaky wheel, but complaining loud and long gets you only short-term gains and builds up powerful discontent on your spouse's side.

    2. Blaming, criticizing, and name-calling. These tactics belittle the person you promised to love, honor, and cherish; let you play angel to his or her devil; and don't address the responsibility you both share for your marital happiness.

    3. Bullying, rudeness, and selfishness. These ugly power plays tell your partner that he or she doesn't count at all in your eyes.

    4. Peacekeeping and passive placating. A "whatever you say, Dear" attitude may keep your home quieter but leaves you in the martyr's role. You'll end up angry, defensive, and a drudge. What fun is that?

    5. Deploying logic all the time. Life isn't the starship Enterprise; playing the dispassionate Mr. Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings but also subtly tells your spouse that his or her feelings don't count either.

    6. Throwing up distractions. You're just having fun, right? Think again. Being hyperactive, fooling around all the time, and refusing to focus -- in conversation or in life -- often is an attempt to avoid intimacy or difficult issues, which can be horribly frustrating for your mate.

    7. Stonewalling. Another stall maneuver, stonewalling stops arguments and constructive discussions cold. Not much can happen when one spouse just won't talk about it.

    8. Making unilateral decisions about the big things. Sometimes you have to pick the bathroom paint color on your own. But if you're making major decisions about your money, your time, your kids, and your family life, you're acting without accountability and cutting off the possibility of joint decision-making and deeper intimacy.
    
    實(shí)話實(shí)說：不要養(yǎng)成下列習(xí)慣，它們對婚姻沒有絲毫幫助。

    1. 喋喋不休。會(huì)吵的小孩有糖吃。不停大聲抱怨會(huì)有些眼前好處，但你的另一半?yún)s會(huì)為此對你漸生不滿。 
 
    2. 責(zé)備，批評，指名道姓。這些惡習(xí)會(huì)使你承諾去愛、去尊敬、去珍惜的另一半兒感到備受輕視；對于另一半兒的錯(cuò)誤，你應(yīng)該像天使一樣去對待；不要責(zé)難或問究雙方應(yīng)共同承擔(dān)的幸�；橐龅呢�(zé)任和義務(wù)。 

    3. 威逼，粗俗，自私。這些丑陋的暴力行徑會(huì)讓你的另一半感到：他（她）在你眼里不重要。

    4. 維持和平與被動(dòng)和解。“親愛的，你說什么都行。”這種態(tài)度可能不會(huì)引起爭吵，但會(huì)使你成為不幸婚姻的犧牲品。最后你還是會(huì)生氣、防守、成為吃力不討好的人。有趣嗎？ 

    5. 過于理性。過日子不是經(jīng)營星艦企業(yè)；像個(gè)理性的史巴克先生不僅會(huì)讓你不近人情，也會(huì)微妙地向你的另一半傳遞出：他（她）的感情在你的心里沒有份量。

    6. 三心二意。你只是想找樂子，對嗎？但請三思。在談話和生活中，如果表現(xiàn)得過份活躍，喜歡和周圍人打鬧，或者拒絕集中注意力，一般會(huì)讓人感到你想逃避親密行為或麻煩事兒，你的另一半兒也會(huì)為此產(chǎn)生挫敗感。

    7. 拒絕交流。拒絕交流也會(huì)有礙幸�；橐�。它在使?fàn)幊惩Ｖ沟耐瑫r(shí)，但也會(huì)使建設(shè)性討論停止。因?yàn)楫?dāng)一方拒絕交流時(shí)什么也不會(huì)發(fā)生。

    8. 對大事做單邊決定。有時(shí)你需要單獨(dú)決定浴室的顏色。但如果在做有關(guān)金錢、時(shí)間、孩子或家庭生活等重大決定時(shí)，單獨(dú)決定就成了魯莽行為，使得共同決定無法進(jìn)行，也不利于加深夫妻間的親密感。