手機(jī)版
How many times have you gotten upset because someone wasn't doing their job, because your child isn't behaving, because your partner or friend isn't living up to his or her end of the bargain?
How many times have you been irritated when someone doesn't do things the way you're used to? Or when you've planned something carefully and things didn't go as you'd hoped?
This kind of anger and irritation happens to all of us - it's part of the human experience.
One thing that irritates me is when people talk during a movie. Or cut me off in traffic. Or don't wash their dishes after eating. Actually, I have a lot of these little annoyances - don't we all?
And it isn't always easy to find peace when you've become upset or irritated.
Let me let you in on a little secret to finding peace of mind:see the glass as already broken.
See, the cause of our stress, anger and irritation is that things don't go the way we like, the way we expect them to. Think of how many times this has been true for you.
And so the solution is simple: expect things to go wrong, expect things to be different than we hoped or planned, expect the unexpected to happen. And accept it.
One quick example: on our recent trip to Japan, I told my kids to expect things to go wrong - they always do on a trip. I told them, "See it as part of the adventure."
And this worked like a charm. When we inevitably took the wrong train on a foreign-language subway system, or when it rained on the day we went to Disney Sea, or when we took three trains and walked 10 blocks only to find the National Children's Castle closed on Mondays … they said, "It's part of the adventure!" And it was all OK - we didn't get too bothered.
So when the nice glass you bought inevitably falls and breaks, someday, you might get upset. But not if you see the glass as already broken, from the day you get it. You know it'll break someday, so from the beginning, see it as already broken. Be a time-traveler, or someone with time-traveling vision, and see the future of this glass, from this moment until it inevitably breaks.
And when it breaks, you won't be upset or sad - because it was already broken, from the day you got it. And you'll realize that every moment you have with it is precious.
Expect your child to mess up - all children do. And don't get so upset when they mess up, when they don't do what they're "supposed" to do … because they're supposed to mess up.
Expect your partner to be less than perfect.
Expect your friend to not show up sometimes.
Expect things to go not according to plan.
Expect people to be rude sometimes.
Expect coworkers not to come through sometimes.
Expect roommates not to wash their dishes or pick up their clothes, sometimes.
Expect the glass to break.
And accept it.
You won't change these inevitable facts - they will happen, eventually. And if you expect it to happen - even see it as already happening, before it happens - you won't get so upset.
You won't overreact. You'll respond appropriately, but not overreact. You can talk to the person about their behavior, and ask them kindly to consider your feelings when they do this … but you won't get overly emotional and blow things out of proportion.
You'll smile, and think, "I expected that to happen. The glass was already broken. And I accept that."
You'll have peace of mind. And that, my friends, is a welcome surprise.
多少次，你因?yàn)橛行┤瞬蛔鏊麄兊墓ぷ鞫鷼猓驗(yàn)槟愕暮⒆颖憩F(xiàn)不好而生氣，因?yàn)槟愕幕锇榛蚺笥巡蛔袷厮麄兊闹Z言而生氣？
又有多少次，你因?yàn)橐恍┤藳](méi)有按照你的習(xí)慣做事而惱怒？或者因?yàn)槟愕脑敿?xì)計(jì)劃最終沒(méi)有實(shí)現(xiàn)而煩惱？
這些煩惱發(fā)生在我們每個(gè)人的生活中，這是一種必然的人生體驗(yàn)。
有一些讓我煩惱的事兒，比如有人在我看電影時(shí)聊天，或者在談話途中掛我電話，或者用餐后不清洗盤(pán)子。事實(shí)上，我有許多類(lèi)似的小煩惱，大家都一樣，不是么？
而且每當(dāng)碰到類(lèi)似的煩惱時(shí)，我們都很難平靜下來(lái)。
那么，讓我告訴你一個(gè)讓自己平靜下來(lái)的秘密方法吧：告訴自己杯子已經(jīng)碎了。
其實(shí)，我們的壓力，怒氣等都是因?yàn)槭虑闆](méi)有按我們希望的方式發(fā)生。想想是不是這樣。
那么，如果是這樣的話，解決辦法其實(shí)很簡(jiǎn)單：主觀的期望事情失敗，期望事情按照我們不希望的方向發(fā)展，期望我們討厭的結(jié)果發(fā)生。然后接受它。
舉一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的例子：我和孩子們?nèi)ト毡韭糜螘r(shí)，我告訴他們像每次旅游一樣的期望旅途不順利。我告訴他們，"這是冒險(xiǎn)的一部分".
后來(lái)這魔術(shù)般的生效了。當(dāng)不可避免的事情發(fā)生，比如我們?cè)谌瘴牡罔F系統(tǒng)中坐錯(cuò)車(chē)，還有在我們?nèi)サ纤鼓岷Ｑ笄跋铝舜笥辏�有我們做了三趟地鐵，又步行了10 個(gè)街區(qū)卻發(fā)現(xiàn)兒童城堡在周一不開(kāi)…我的孩子們會(huì)說(shuō)："這是冒險(xiǎn)的一部分！",并且一切都還好，我們并沒(méi)有因?yàn)槟切┦聝憾^(guò)于惱怒。
當(dāng)你買(mǎi)的漂亮的杯子不可避免的在某一天摔碎了，你會(huì)很生氣。但如果你能在得到它的第一天起就認(rèn)為它已經(jīng)摔碎了。你知道這總有一天會(huì)發(fā)生。做一個(gè)時(shí)間旅行者，或者擁有一雙能穿越時(shí)間的眼睛，去看看這個(gè)杯子的未來(lái)，從現(xiàn)在到它最終被打碎。
然后，當(dāng)它真的被打碎時(shí)，你就不會(huì)太生氣了。因?yàn)樗缇捅淮蛩榱耍瑥哪愕玫剿翘炱稹６竽憔蜁?huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)之前你擁有它的時(shí)光是那樣珍貴。
期望你的孩子把自己弄臟吧，所有孩子都會(huì)這么做。當(dāng)他們把自己搞臟時(shí)，不要生氣。
期望你的伙伴不要那么完美。
期望你的朋友有時(shí)候不露面。
期望事情不要安裝計(jì)劃發(fā)展。
期望人們有時(shí)候變得粗魯。
期望你的同事偶爾不接電話。
期望你的室友有時(shí)候會(huì)不洗盤(pán)子也不收衣服。
期望，杯子被打破。
然后接受。
你無(wú)法改變那些必然發(fā)生的事情，它們終會(huì)發(fā)生。你要做的就是期望它們發(fā)生，甚至在發(fā)生前就把它們看作已經(jīng)發(fā)生的事實(shí)，那么你就不會(huì)那么惱怒了。
你不會(huì)表現(xiàn)過(guò)分。你會(huì)很合適的做出回應(yīng)。你可以和當(dāng)事人談?wù)勊麄兊男袨椋叫撵o氣的請(qǐng)求他們考慮一下你的感受…你不會(huì)過(guò)于情緒化以至于把事情搞得更加復(fù)雜。
你會(huì)微笑，思考，"這是我所期望發(fā)生的。杯子早就摔碎了。我可以接受。"
你的內(nèi)心會(huì)很安靜。我的朋友們，這是一個(gè)多么受歡迎的小驚喜啊。
