手機(jī)版
When we receive the news that someone we love is facing impending death, our immediate reaction is no doubt shock and denial. This is the mind's way of cushioning us against the immensity of the meaning of what we have heard, and allowing us to absorb it a little at a time, as we are able. As the shock wears off, the implications sicken us, leave us reeling and grasping for hope. We may pray, offering ourselves in order to spare the loved one, or begin a round of second, third or fourth opinions, desperately searching for a reprieve.
Sometimes people remain in this state of bargaining and denial until the inevitable death occurs, hitting them with all the force of an unanticipated loss. Other times loved ones are able to work through the various stages of grief and reach a tentative acceptance, allowing them the opportunity to share the death experience with their loved one more intimately.
Those who have received the prognosis of impending death react as differently as their loved ones do. Some prefer to feel they are keeping death at bay by continuing to talk in terms of recovery, or avoiding the mention of their own health at all. A surprising number, however, including children, welcome someone to talk to who will not deflect their tentative approach to talking about their own mortality.
Many terminally ill adults and children suffer from a sense of isolation; they know that their lives are coming to a close, and yet any inference to that effect in their conversation is either ignored or met with encouragement to think positively, to remember that Christmas is coming and "you have to be here!" or a reminder that new treatments are developed all the time. We as family members and friends almost automatically fall back on such trivia, because listening to someone talk about their own death is both unsettling and painful.
However, to intentionally set aside our own discomfort and allow the dying person to lead the conversation is a gift of inestimable value. We have no answers, no words of wisdom, but these are not required. Having been able to accept the inevitability of death ourselves, we can be an empathetic and loving sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, and a reflective presence to enable the loved one to discover his or her own answers to the deep questions that come at a time like this.
When death occurs, the almost universal reaction is, "I wasn't ready." No matter how much anticipatory grief we have been able to process, death still comes as a shock. But those who have been able to prepare, particularly if they have had a chance to walk a bit of the last part of the road with the dying loved one, will have given and received a precious gift.
當(dāng)我們得知我們所喜愛(ài)的人將要不久于人世時(shí)，毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)，我們突然感到無(wú)比的震驚并無(wú)法接受。這是我們的心理對(duì)于所聽(tīng)噩耗所做的緩沖，好讓我們?cè)诔惺苣芰χ畠?nèi)一點(diǎn)一點(diǎn)地接受這個(gè)事實(shí)。震驚過(guò)后，這消息使我們憂(yōu)慮，使我們更渴望抓住最后的機(jī)會(huì)。我們會(huì)祈禱，希望更多的奉獻(xiàn)自己來(lái)寬恕我們愛(ài)慕的人，或者開(kāi)始一輪接二連三的輿論，絕望地尋找著可以讓他們解脫，生還的理由。
大多時(shí)候，人們都是這么一種狀態(tài)，當(dāng)無(wú)可避免的死亡噩耗來(lái)臨，帶著無(wú)法預(yù)知的失去之痛，人們只是一味的抱怨，不肯接受。然而另一方面，那些我們愛(ài)戴的即將離世的人們卻可以挺過(guò)所有的悲痛，并且能夠暫時(shí)地接收這個(gè)事實(shí)，這樣，他們便有機(jī)會(huì)與他們所愛(ài)的人更親密地度過(guò)這死亡難關(guān)。
而那些得知死亡即將來(lái)臨的人卻與那些他們所愛(ài)的人的表現(xiàn)迥異。有些人不住地談?wù)撍麄兊目祻?fù)或者避免談及有關(guān)他們健康的話題，以此來(lái)阻止死亡的靠近。然而絕大多數(shù)人，包括孩子們，都很愿意和那些不排斥自己的人談?wù)撍麄兏髯缘拿\(yùn)。
很多病癥晚期的大人還有孩子都有著一種孤立感，他們很清楚自己的生命即將走到盡頭，然而任何談及任何有關(guān)死亡的話題時(shí)，要么是被他們忽視了，要么是被他們化作一種樂(lè)觀的動(dòng)力，以此，使他們要記得圣誕節(jié)就要到了，"你必須活下去！"抑或提醒他們新的醫(yī)療辦法永遠(yuǎn)都在進(jìn)步。我們作為他們的家人或者朋友總是要自覺(jué)的依靠這些瑣碎小事來(lái)慰藉，因?yàn)椋吘孤?tīng)人談?wù)撍麄兊乃劳隹倳?huì)令人不安，悲痛。
然而，有意地放下我們自己的不快，讓那些即將離世的人們來(lái)掌握談話內(nèi)容也是萬(wàn)分可貴的。對(duì)于智慧，我們沒(méi)有過(guò)多的答案，沒(méi)有什么想法，但這些是不需要的。去接受那無(wú)可避免的死亡，我們自己，可以是一個(gè)用來(lái)轉(zhuǎn)移情感充滿(mǎn)愛(ài)的廣闊的甲板，可以是用來(lái)哭訴的肩膀，也可以默默無(wú)聲，讓他們知道我們就在身邊，讓我們所愛(ài)的人自己去找到死亡來(lái)臨時(shí)那些深?yuàn)W問(wèn)題的答案。
當(dāng)死亡迫近，幾乎所有人的反應(yīng)都是，"我還不想死。"不論我們提前做好了多么痛苦的思想準(zhǔn)備，死亡來(lái)臨仍然是令人震驚的。但是那些有所準(zhǔn)備的人，尤其是倘若他們會(huì)曾有機(jī)會(huì)與自己將要離世的愛(ài)人體驗(yàn)了生命之路的最后一段，這樣的人，將會(huì)同時(shí)給與他人并自己得到一份珍貴的禮物。
