Question

    I used to have a ton of friends-then I got married. My wife can't stand any of my buddies. I've tried to adjust and only hang with our married friends, but I don't get invites to my pals' parties, backyard barbecues or nights out anymore. I love my wife, but I feel horrible not having my old friends around. What can I do?

    -- Friendless in My Own Hometown

    Dear Friendless,

    Not to put too fine a point on it, but your wife is treating you like a dog that only she is allowed to walk. I'm guessing she loves you deeply and wants to keep you close. But she is limiting you in ways that are bad for you and ultimately bad for your marriage. Ask her to lengthen the leash, lest you start seeing her as a restraint to happiness rather than the source of it.

    Question

    I'm the youngest of three and have always taken care of my parents. Mom is now a widow. I live nearby and am saddled with daily calls, bills, doctors' appointments, everything. Did I mention I have a husband and three kids, go to school and work part-time? My brother retired to Florida. My sister doesn't work but says if my brother won't help, she won't either. How can I get my siblings to pitch in?

    -- Tired

    Dear Tired,

    Sounds like you're stuck being the good child, the one who knows how to love responsibly and give back. You might have to put direct help from your sibs out of your mind, but don't be afraid to ask for their help with the bills or paperwork. In the meantime, enlist the help of friends, church groups and social services to relieve your day-to-day burden.

    Question

    My co-worker brags all day long. Her husband spoils her with expensive gifts. Her kids get high honors in advanced-placement classes. She takes incredible vacations. She has to top everyone. I've tried to steer conversations to other topics, but she goes on and on. What can be done to shut her up?

    -- Ear Full

    Dear Ear,

    Bragging usually masks insecurity. You can't steer or stop your colleague. The more unappreciated she feels, the more she'll boast. Just agree with her-yes, she has brilliant kids and an amazing marriage-and walk away.

    I Love Him But …

    Question

    I love my boyfriend, but we don't share the same values. I want kids; he doesn't. I'm religious; he's an atheist. Everyone tells me to drop him. But I know he loves me and respects my beliefs. Should I follow my heart?

    -- Valentine Quandary

    Dear Quandary,

    How much are you willing to sacrifice for this love? Children? God? Those are biggies. Love between incompatible people is cute only in the movies. Maybe this guy would make a better friend. Leave your heart open for someone with whom you can share your values and your entire self.

    Question

    I'm a nursing student and the oldest of five children. My family is counting on me to succeed, but I didn't make the grade and have to repeat the semester in six months. I'm so disappointed that I let my parents down. I don't know how to tell them.

    -- Failure

    Dear Failure,

    You aren't letting them down! Working hard to enter an honorable profession should make any loving family proud. Needing to retake classes because you learn at a different pace is not shameful, just a fact. Why don't you spend the next six months volunteering in a nursing-related function, maybe at a local hospital? Learn all you can, and go back to school with the confidence of a committed student and a future nurse.

    Question of the Month

    I'm an officer in a high school parent organization. One mother in the group believes the teacher favors my daughter over hers because of my position, and she's made false statements about me that sparked irate phone calls from other parents. I've worked hard for the program,but her backstabbing is really getting to me. How can I pull the knife out?

    -- Wounded

    Dear Wounded,

    Sometimes being willing to play rough is the only way to stop a bully. At the next PTA meeting, take on this mom publicly. Cite specific false statements she's made and demand she either back up her allegations or correct them. This is as much about your daughter's reputation as it is your own, so put up your dukes.

    提問：

    我曾經有很多的朋友-終于我結婚了。我妻子受不了我的那些伙計們。我試著適應只和那些結過婚的朋友在一起，但是我再也沒被邀請參加我那些伙計們的聚會，聚餐或者是晚上找我出去消遣。我愛我的妻子，但是我的朋友們不在我身邊使我感覺很糟。我該怎么做？

    ------沒朋友致 在家鄉

    親愛的沒朋友：

    不要把問題看得太細，但是你的妻子的確把你看做只有他才能遛的狗一樣。我想她一定深深的愛著你從而想把你拉得更近。但是她正在用一種對你和你們的婚姻都不利得方式來限制你。建議他把鏈條放長一點，免得你把它看做是幸福的一種約束力而非源泉。

    提問：

    我是家里三個孩子中最小的一個，而且經常照顧父母。我父親已經去世了。我就住在她附近，負責著每天打電話，付賬單，安排醫生，所有的事情。我告沒告訴過你我還有一個丈夫和3個孩子，要上學，要兼職？我哥哥在佛羅里達退休了。我姐姐沒有工作但是他說如果我哥哥不幫助我他也不會。我怎么才能讓我的哥哥姐姐來插手這件事呢？

    ----泰瑞得

    親愛的泰瑞得，

    聽起來你一直在做一個好孩子，一個知道如何負責人的去愛并且回報的好孩子。你最好還是把從你兄弟姐妹那里得到直接幫助的想法放棄吧，但是當有文書工作或賬單的時候不要害怕去找他們尋求幫助。與此同時，來自朋友，教會組織，社會機構的幫助也可以減輕你每天的負擔。

    提問：

    我的同事每天都在不停地吹牛。她的丈夫總是用昂貴的禮物寵著她。她的孩子們以在貴族班學習而自豪。她總是度過令人難以置信的假期。她總是凌駕于眾人之上。我試著去談些別的話題，但是她還是繼續說。我怎樣才能讓她閉上嘴呢？

    -----艾爾 福爾

    親愛的 艾爾，

    自夸通常是不在乎的表現。你不要轉移話題或者阻止你的同事，她越是覺得不被羨慕就會越喜歡自夸。對他表示贊同--是的，她的確有出色的孩子和絕佳的婚姻--然后走開。

    我愛他但是……

    提問

    我愛我的男朋友，但是我們不能統一觀點，我想要孩子；他不想。我信奉宗教，他確實無神論者。所有人都讓我和他分手。但是我知道他愛我并且尊重我的信仰。我應該跟著感覺走嗎？

    ----瓦倫汀·康達利

    親愛的瓦倫汀，

    你希望從愛情中得到多少滿足感？孩子？上帝？那些是最重要的。在兩個相對立的人之間所產生的愛情只會在電影中出現。或許這個小伙子只會是一個好朋友。向一個你能和他一起分享你的想法和所有的一切得人敞開心扉吧。

    提問：

    我是一個護理專業的學生，并且是家里五個孩子中最年中的一個。我的家人都期待我能夠成功，但是我留級了并不得不用6個月的時間重讀整個學期。我讓我的父母失望了，這是我很沮喪。我不知道怎么和他們生說。

    ----一個失敗者

    親愛的失敗者，

    你并沒有讓他們失望。努力地進入一個光榮的行業是值得任何一個充滿愛的家庭所自豪的。由于你用一種不同的步伐來學習而不得不重修課程并不是丟人的事情，而是事實。你為什么不在今后的6個月里去護理有關的機構做志愿者，比如地方的醫院？盡力去學，然后作為一個委任的學生回到學校成為一個未來的護士。

    提問：

    我是中學家長組織的一名辦公室人員。我們這有一位母親堅信老師之所以偏向我的女兒是因為我的職位的原因，她還對我制造輿論，這導致憤怒的家長們紛紛打來電話。我為這個項目一直努力工作，但是她在背后搗鬼的確傷害了我。我要怎樣回擊呢？

    ----一個受傷害的人

    親愛的受傷害的人，

    有時候，表現粗暴是停止威脅的唯一方式。在下一次PTA會議上，把這位母親公開的提出來。具體的舉例塌所說的一些虛假的陳述并且要求她撤回那些陳述或者更改他們。這對你你和你女兒的聲譽都很重要，所以亮出你的王牌吧。