It rained so hard tonight. I could feel the wind piercing through my ribs. A rainy Christmas eve. It just made me feel sadder and lonelier. It had rained the day he was buried into the ground and I had cried just like now.
今夜的雨很大,寒風刺骨。一個下雨的圣誕前夜,這只能讓我感到更悲傷、更孤單。他下葬的那一天也是如此的一個雨天,我也是哭的像現在一樣。
I was attracted to this cheerful guy when I first started helping out in the 'Home for the Disabled' three years back. He was a very special guy who was almost perfect if not for his eyes. He was blind. He became blind when he was 8.He got the high fever then, and the doctors could do nothing. He lost his sight as a result.He told me he didn't really mind not being able to see because he could always touch and feel things we 'normal' beings weren't able to. I was really touched by his optimism. Even though he was blind, his eyes were the most soulful eyes that I had ever seen. He was extremely helpful towards others and always did his best to give others what he could. He showered his love lavishly on everyone he knew. He was like an angel. He had a kind and unselfish heart. He gave half of what he earned to charity and he would help out at the 'Home' almost everyday.
三年前,當我開始到"殘疾人之家"做義工的時候,我認識了他。他是個很特殊的男孩,他的一切近乎完美,……除了他的眼睛。他是個盲人。8歲的時候,他生病了,發高燒,醫生也無能為力,后來他的眼睛就看不到東西了。他告訴我,他真的不介意,因為他可以靠觸摸來感覺事物,而我們正常人是做不到的。我被他的樂觀觸動了。雖然他的眼睛看不到東西,卻是我所見到的最充滿深情的眼睛。他總是幫助別人,并且是盡自己所能的幫助。他向每一個認識的人慷慨的奉獻愛心。他像個天使。他有一顆善良而無私的心。他把自己收入的一半捐獻給慈善事業,他幾乎每天都到"殘疾人之家"去做義工。
Whenever we were free from tending to the people at the 'Home', we would talk to one another for a long time. He talked about God a lot and how blessed was he to have found joy in the Lord. He didn't blame God for any misfortunes that had befallen on him. He said the Lord had his reasons for not giving him sight and he didn't blame God for the fact that his parent got killed in an accident when he was barely 12.I felt somewhat ashamed when I heard his words since I had always blamed God for not giving me a prettier face. I bore a grudge against God for not giving this wonderful angel His fullest blessings. I thought that God was unfair to him for taking, apart from his sight, his loved ones away from him. I felt that he truly deserved more.
每當在"殘疾人之家"做義工有空閑的時候,我們都很愿意和對方交談,而且經常聊很久。他說很多關于上帝的事,上帝的祝福,他可以從上帝那里得到快樂,他從來不責怪上帝將不幸降臨到他的身上。他說,上帝讓他看不見東西,有上帝的道理,他從來不抱怨上帝讓他的父母在他12歲的時候因為一起交通事故而離開他。當我聽到他的這些話時,就感覺很慚愧,因為我總是抱怨上帝沒有給我一張漂亮的臉。我討厭上帝吝惜把最真誠的祝福給Luke。我覺得上帝對他是不公平的,讓他看不到東西,讓他的親人離他而去。我認為他真的應該得到更多。
Luke and I were completely different from one another. He was an optimist and I was a pessimist. He could overlook flaws easily while I would always pick at others' faults. However we did have one thing in common. We both had an undying passion for astronomy. He told me he still remembered how lovely the stars had looked like before he became blind. And how his dad used to tell him about stars, black holes and space before God took him away to Heaven. One thing he didn't know was that I was silently crying for him all the time while he talked. I knew then that I loved him more than I could ever loved anyone.Luke and I had been together for almost two years. We could hardly bear to be away from one another for less than half a day. We spent most of our time helping out at the 'Home' and 'watching' the stars at a pasture near it. I would tell him the names and shapes of the constellations that appeared in the skies and he would listen carefully with a smile on his face. It seemed like he saw the stars that I told him, behind those soulful eyes that could never see the art of God.
Luke和我是完全不同的兩種人。他樂觀而我消極。他可以很容易就忽略別人的缺點,而我可能會抓住不放。我們唯一的共同點是都對宇宙有著強烈的好奇心!他告訴我,他仍然可以記得在他失明前看到的美麗星空的樣子。他的爸爸在沒有被上帝帶到天堂之前,常常給他講述星星、黑洞、宇宙的秘密。有一件事,是他不知道的,每次他在講述這些的時候,我都會默默的流淚。我知道我愛他多過我愛其它的人。Luke和我在一起差不多兩年時間。我們變得難舍難分。我們的大部分時間是在"殘疾人之家"做義工和在牧場邊看星星中度過的。我告訴他天空中星座的名字和形狀,他總是面帶微笑的聽著,就像他可以親眼見到似的。這雙深情的眼睛卻不能看到上帝的藝術。
Maybe God thought that Luke was too good for this world. He decided to bring him back to His side. Luke contracted leukaemia that fateful 1994. He kept his illness from me and thus I didn't know anything about it at all. It was only when he started looking sick that I noticed something was wrong with him. When asked why, he would pass his paleness off as a slight flu. I didn't believe his words but I didn't say anything.
也許上帝認為Luke對這個世界太好了,于是決定將Luke帶回自己的身邊。1994年Luke得了白血病。他一直都不肯讓我知道實情,所以,我對此事一無所知。直到他變得看上去很虛弱,我覺得他病了。當我問他為什么的時候,他卻只淡淡地說有點輕微的流感。我不相信他的話,卻也不知道說些什么。
It was September 1994. I was waiting at the 'Home' for Luke."A call for you, Calista. It's from a hospital," a helper at the 'Home' passed the phone to me worriedly."Yes, hello? This is Calista here. Can I be of any help?" I asked, chewing my lips nervously, sensing bad vibes in my spines."This is the Boulevard Hospital. We found your name and this number in Mr Pietra's wallet. He had fainted on the streets just now and someone brought him in. I was hoping that you can come down to the hospital now and help us with the documents."I hung up the phone and ran all the way in the rain to the hospital, which was a mile away.I signed whatever documents that were needed and ran to the ward that Luke was in. There he was my angel, lying almost lifeless on a bed that seemed too large for him."Calista, is that you?" He asked when I held his cold hand."Yes it's me, "I choked on my words."Aww… please don't cry. Everything will be alright," he smiled.I looked at his pale face and it broke my heart."Luke," I sobbed."Why is God so unfair to you?" I bawled out on his chest.He stroked my hair and said softly," God is fair, my love. He's gonna take me to a far better place called Heaven. Don't you agree?" I didn't answer him, as I was lost in my own thoughts. I really didn't know what was going to happen to me without him in my life. Moreover, I had this dreary feeling about going to hospitals ever since I was young. I felt so lost and detached from the world. Why must God take away my one and only true love?Three months had passed ever since Luke was admitted into the hospital. It was December and Christmas was nearing. My visits to Luke had grown lesser over the three long painful months. Each time I visited Luke, we would have nothing much to talk about. There was always this awkward silence between us .I didn't know what caused it but I guessed it had something to do with the atmosphere in the hospital. Luke had lost his cheerfulness over the months. He was always too tired to talk. At times, he would try his best to listen to me while I talked to him but the pills they fed him always put him to sleep before I could finish.
1994年9月的一天,我在"殘疾人之家"等Luke。一個醫院打來的電話,我焦急的接過電話,一種不祥的預感,"這是Boulevard醫院,我們在Luke先生的錢包里發現了你的名字和電話。他剛才昏倒在街上,好心人把他送進這里。我們希望你可以來醫院辦一些手續。"我放下電話,飛奔向醫院,外面在下雨,醫院離"殘疾人之家"有一英里。我辦好一切手續沖向Luke的病房。我的天使,他身體虛弱的躺在床上,相對他瘦弱的身軀,病床顯得太大了!"Calista是你嗎?"當我抓住他冰冷的手時,他問。"是我。"我哽咽著說,"呵,不要哭,事情會好起來的。"他微笑著說。看到他蒼白的臉,我的心都要碎了。"Luke"我抽泣者,"為什么上帝對你這么不公平!"我撲到他的胸前大哭,他撫摸著我的頭發,輕聲說:"親愛的,上帝是公平的,他要帶我到一個遙遠的叫天堂的地方。你不這樣認為嗎?"我沒有回答他,因為我已經不知道該說什么。我真的不知道如果我的生命里沒有他會發生什么。雖然我還年輕,但是當我在醫院的時候,我卻感覺很凄涼。我覺得我失去了一切,在這個世界上是孤獨的!為什么上帝一定要帶! 我走我唯一的真愛。Luke住進醫院已經三個月了。12月,圣誕節快到了。這三個月痛苦的日子,每次看到Luke都比上次更虛弱。每次看Luke,我們都不說什么,一直是可怕的沉默。我不知道這是為什么,我猜想也許是醫院的氣氛。過了一個月,Luke就不可以大聲的說笑了,他太虛弱了,以致不能說太多的話。那個時候,Luke強打精神聽我的講述,但是他吃的藥丸總是讓他在沒聽我講完之前就睡著了。
We drifted apart somehow although I still loved him a lot. I had only visited him once during December since I was busy working and the 'Home' needed helpers desperately.It was the 24th of December. I realised that I had not visited Luke for almost three weeks! How funny time seemed to fly when you were busy. I had prepared a gift for Luke for the past two weeks. It was a piece of cardboard pasted with 3D star stickers ...I called the constellation that I made up 'Love Luke'. I hurried to the hospital with the gift in my hands.I walked briskly to Luke's ward. On the way there, I felt a sudden fear in my heart. I didn't know why but somehow, it made me hurry my pace. To my ultimate fear and worst nightmare, Luke was not in his ward. He was gone! I ran to the counter and asked for Luke but was handed a package and a letter instead. I opened the letter with my tears flowing down like mad.
雖然我非常的愛他,但我們仍會有分離。12月,因為工作的忙碌,"殘疾人之家"又非常地需要幫助,我只去看了他一次。12月24日,我意識到已經有差不多三周沒有去看望Luke了。當忙碌的時候,時間過得飛快,在過去兩周我為Luke準備了一份禮物,是一張紙板上面用星星貼著"愛Luke"。我拿著禮物向醫院趕去,步伐輕快的走向Luke的病房?稍绞亲呓》,害怕的感覺就越強烈,我不知道為什么,就是莫名其妙的,我加快了腳步。Luke不在病房,我的心沉了下去。他走了!我飛奔到服務臺,詢問Luke的下落。但是得到的卻是一封信和一個包裹。我打開信,淚水涌了出來。
'My beloved Calista, Please don't cry when you get this letter. I just want to let you know that I will be happier at the place where I'll be going soon. God and my parents are waiting impatiently for me. I'm looking forward to see them again.I know how busy you've been these past few weeks and I really missed you terribly. I know how much U dreaded coming to the hospital although U never said anything. I felt it. To tell you the truth, I've thought of ending my life at times to end the pain and loneliness that my illness had brought me. However, I remembered that life is bestowed by the love of God and it would be a terrible mistake to kill myself just to escape misery.Now, I'm glad God decided to take me away earlier. I don't want to be a burden to you and I can't thank you enough for all the love and patience that you had given me through the hard times and the good times. U love me just the way I am even though I can't even do a small thing like watch a movie with you. Please don't blame God for taking me away. He does it because He loves me, just as much as He loves you.Don't ask why all the time. Things are planned and they are meant to be this way. Don't keep thinking that God is unfair and stop bearing grudges against him. God is a fair God. Everything that you lost today will be compensated in another way tomorrow. Just keep on believing. Remember that I'll always love you even when I'm not by your side. You're the most beautiful person that I've ever 'seen' in my life, even though u r always complaining about the way you look. Beauty comes from within.Just to tell u that u will always be a part of me that I can't live without. Thank you once again for your sweetness and your wonderful unselfish love.P.S. I'm sorry that I can't celebrate Christmas with you. Here's a gift I've prepared for you ever since the start of December.Love, Luke.E.Pietra. I tore open the package, sobbing all the while. Inside it was a picture made up of tiny stickers of stars. On top of the black paper was written 'Love Calista'. He too had made up a constellation for me I knew how much effort and time he must have put in, in making the gift since he wasn't able to see.
"親愛的Calista,當你拿到這封信的時候,請不要哭泣。我只是想讓你知道,我就要到一個讓我快樂的地方。上帝和我的父母親正在那里等著我。我很希望再見到他們。我知道在過去的幾周,你非常的忙碌,但是我真的非常想念你!我知道你來醫院看我,是件很悶的事情,雖然你不曾說過,但我感覺得到。告訴你,此刻我想結束我的生命,結束疾病帶給我的疼痛和孤單。我知道生命是上帝給予的愛,以結束生命來逃離痛苦是個很大的錯誤,F在,我很高興上帝決定早早的帶我離開這個世界。我不想成為你的負擔,我不足以報答你在快樂和痛苦時給我的耐心和愛。你愛我,我也愛你,但是我不能為你做一點點諸如陪你看電影一類的小事。請不要責怪上帝把我帶走,他這樣做是因為他愛我,就像我愛你一樣!不要問為什么,這一切都是上帝安排的,不要總是認為上帝不公平,或者不可容忍他吝惜他的祝福,上帝是公平的,你今天失去的一切將會在明天有所回報。繼續相信上帝,記住我將一直愛你,即使我不在你身邊!你是我所'見到'的最美麗的女孩,即使你一直抱怨你的外貌,美是來自內心的!再告訴你,你是我生命的一部分,我的生活不能沒有你。再次謝謝你的甜蜜和你無私的愛!對不起,! 我不能和你共度圣誕節了,這是我為你準備的禮物,雖然現在只是12月的開始。愛你Luke"我抽泣著撕開包裹,是幅用小星星粘貼的星座"愛Calista"。他制作這幅畫是多么困難,我知道他花了很多時間制作這幅畫,因為他的眼睛是看不到東西的。
I cried my whole heart out that night at the hospital.It was Christmas Day, 25th of December,1994.Luke was laid into the ground. The rain was coming down hard. Nothing could describe my sadness. I was filled with remorse. In my busyness, I had neglected Luke. I should have spent more time with him. I didn't even get to see him for one last time before he died. I didn't really treasure him until he was gone. I missed him so much now. I wanted so much to hug him and to tell him how much I loved him. But it was all too late. I had let time slip by and it would never come back to me.
整個晚上,我在醫院痛哭。這天是1994年12月25日圣誕節。Luke長眠在地下。雨下的很大。沒什么語言可以描述我的悲傷。我充滿自責,在我繁忙的時候,我忽視了Luke。我應該用更多的時間來陪伴他。我甚至沒有在他離開這個世界之前見到他最后一面。直到他離開,我才真正意識到他的珍貴,F在我非常想念他!我很像擁抱他,告訴他我是多么多么的愛他!但一切都太遲了!時間匆匆,流逝的日子永遠也不會回來了。
I had lost Luke forever. Forever, that word suddenly sounded so strange to me as I watched Luke's coffin being lowered into the ground. I cried for the man who taught me the ways of life. The one person who changed my views towards many things. The angel who taught me to overlook others' flaws and to see the beauty behind imperfections. The one who told me to accept whatever cards were dealt to me. Now this one person had left my side forever. Gone like the two pieces of pictures that carried the words 'Love Luke' and 'Love Calista'. They were buried together with the memory of Luke.
"我永遠的失去了Luke!"心里的這個聲音越來越強烈,當我看到Luke棺木下葬的時候。我為那個曾經為我良師的人哭泣,他改變了我對事情的看法。他是天使,叫我如何忽略別人的缺點,去看到不完美背后的美麗,F在這個人永遠的離開了我!像寫著"愛Luke"和"愛Calista"的兩幅畫。他們同有著Luke的記憶一起埋葬了。
Treasure what you have now before it becomes regret, when it becomes too late. Time always slips us by when we least realise it. Let the people you love know what they mean to you, because you never know what might happen.....life is too fragile.
珍惜你所擁有的,在當它變成遺憾之前,否則一切就會太晚了。時間過的太快,當我們意識到時,它已經溜走了。告訴你所愛的人你有多么的愛他們,因為你永遠也不可能知道將要發生什么,生命是脆弱的!