The New Year, Chinese or otherwise, has now passed. The parties, and any hangovers, are long gone. Unfortunately, for many of you, your New Year’s resolutions are only memories. The gym bag sits forlorn in the corner, the bean sprouts wilt in your fridge. Your intentions were good, I know. You resolved to get into a new exercising habit, eat better, spend more time at work, spend more time with the family, or volunteer for a local charity. Or maybe all of the above (Yikes!)

To those of you who are sticking to your New Year’s resolutions I say CONGRATULATIONS! Don’t be too smug. For those of you who have not, I say CONGRATULATIONS!

Why would I congratulate people who haven’t stuck to their resolutions? Simple. They MADE resolutions. Deciding to change yourself, really committing to be a better person in some way, is not a decision arrived at easily. The fact that you decided to change yourself means that you’ve taken stock of yourself. You’ve reflected. You haven’t let the powerful forces of rationalization prevent you from committing to self-change.

“But,” you say, “I failed. That’s terrible isn’t it? It’s so depressing. Why even bother trying if it’s so hard?”

I have news for you: You are not perfect. You are not all-powerful. Self-change is hard, so it’s not terribly surprising that you didn’t get it right the first try. So, stop feeling so bad. It’s like when someone gets thrown from a horse. What do the horsie-types say? You’re supposed to get up, brush the dust off, and get back on that horse! That’s what you need to do right now.

Follow these steps:

1. Tell yourself, “It’s okay.I failed, but there’s nothing new in that.” Think of all of the other times you’ve failed. Re-read Leo’s post on how great failure can be [link to that post]. Don’t let the powers of rationalization take you further, though. Don’t give into the thought: “It’s okay. I don’t need to be better. It wasn’t all that important anyway.” Ask yourself this: If changing yourself wasn’t so important, then why did you decide to do it in the first place?

2. Congratulate yourself for wanting to be better.As a social psychologist, I know how extremely easy it is for people to excuse themselves their shortcomings. Your decision to be better takes moral courage.

3. Figure out what went wrong.Were you too ambitious? Was your plan too vague?

4. Form a plan that is informed by your failure.If you didn’t get to the gym because you slept in, plan to go to bed earlier. If you ate the wrong foods because you found preparing healthy food too time-consuming, find ways to make it less time consuming. If you stayed too late at work (again and again), schedule events with the family earlier in the evening.

5. Get going!

新年，春節(jié)或者其他什么以年度來(lái)衡量的節(jié)日都已經(jīng)過(guò)去了。聚會(huì)，宿醉也早已經(jīng)煙消云散。但不幸的是，對(duì)于大多數(shù)人來(lái)講，為新的一年而作的計(jì)劃也已經(jīng)成為記憶里的過(guò)去式了。運(yùn)動(dòng)服還整齊放在衣柜的角落里，減肥餐也冰冷的陳列在冰箱里。你的愿望是美好的，我能理解。你希望在新的一年你培養(yǎng)自己運(yùn)動(dòng)的習(xí)慣，開始健康的飲食，更努力的工作，跟家人分享更多的時(shí)間，或者參加慈善義工。或者甚至你想做上面說(shuō)的所有事情。

對(duì)你們中那些在新年里堅(jiān)持按照你們的計(jì)劃行動(dòng)的人，我要祝賀你“你做到了！”。但千萬(wàn)不要太沾沾自喜。同樣對(duì)于你們中那些沒(méi)有做到的，我也要祝賀你們！

為什么我要祝賀那些沒(méi)有實(shí)踐自己計(jì)劃的人？原因很簡(jiǎn)單。他們已經(jīng)開始計(jì)劃了。已經(jīng)決定作出改變，已經(jīng)為了讓自己在某方面做的更好而自我承諾了，這不 是一個(gè) 很容易就能下定的決心。事實(shí)上當(dāng)你決定作出改變的時(shí)候就證明你已經(jīng)檢視過(guò)自己。已經(jīng)自我反省了。你沒(méi)有讓那種自我安慰的力量去阻止你改變自己。

但也許你會(huì)說(shuō)，“我失敗了，這很糟糕對(duì)么？這個(gè)結(jié)果非常令人沮喪。如果這個(gè)過(guò)程這么痛苦為什么我還要費(fèi)力去嘗試？”

有些事情我想讓你知道：人是不完美的。你不是全能的。自我改變是個(gè)很艱難的過(guò)程，所以初次嘗試的失敗結(jié)果并不出人意料。所以，不要再雪上加霜讓自己感覺更糟糕。就像一個(gè)人從馬背上被甩下來(lái)一樣，如果是個(gè)堅(jiān)強(qiáng)的騎手會(huì)怎么做？他會(huì)站起身來(lái)，撣撣灰塵，然后重新騎上馬背！你現(xiàn)在也需要做同樣的事情。

按照下面的方法：

1.告訴你自己“沒(méi)什么。我失敗了，但這很正常。” 想想以前你失敗的經(jīng)驗(yàn)。不要讓那種自我安慰的力量影響你。不要想著：“那沒(méi)什么，我不需要這樣折磨自己。這樣的改變也沒(méi)什么大不了的。”應(yīng)該問(wèn)自己：如果自己的計(jì)劃沒(méi)有那么重要，那為什么一開始的時(shí)候還要下定決心做這件事情？

2.為自己想要改變的愿望而高興。作為一個(gè)社會(huì)心理學(xué)者，我知道人們?yōu)樽约旱娜秉c(diǎn)開脫是一件多么容易的事情。想要讓自己變得更好本身就需要極大的勇氣。

3.了解到底是哪里出了問(wèn)題.有沒(méi)有做不切實(shí)際的計(jì)劃？還是計(jì)劃的細(xì)節(jié)太模糊籠統(tǒng)了？

4.從失敗的基礎(chǔ)上修改你的計(jì)劃。如果因?yàn)樗瘧杏X而耽誤了去健身房，那就在新計(jì)劃里讓自己早睡一會(huì)兒。如果覺得阻止你的健康飲食計(jì)劃是因?yàn)樾枰�太多時(shí)間準(zhǔn)備食物，那就想辦法縮短準(zhǔn)備的時(shí)間。如果總是工作到很晚，那就把和家人的聚會(huì)放在一個(gè)稍早的時(shí)間里。

5.繼續(xù)前進(jìn)！